Sports Hats Invite Conversation

Spontaneous conversations seem to be a lost art. It’s so easy to avoid eye contact and conversation by peering at the latest headlines on your phone, that chance encounters are less likely than they were a few decades ago. Unfortunately, this lack of small talk can feed on itself until people lose the skill altogether. Each morning, I pass by dog-walkers who not only don’t shoot the breeze with me – a fellow dog-walker – but can’t even garner the energy to say hello, as if they’ve lost the ability to utter the two-word syllable. More likely, they’ve lost all confidence to interact with strangers. Or maybe they’re just douchebags. Hard to tell.

One way to occasionally overcome this trend while traveling is by wearing a sport hat. On a recent trip to the Los Angeles area, I had two delightful conversations with complete strangers, all because of the hat I was wearing. Usually, it’s the Green Bay Packers hat that attracts the most attention, but on this trip I donned the cap of my first-place Milwaukee Brewers. Neither of my conversations came from Brewers fans, but the recognition was enough to start them chatting.

My wife, daughter and I were hanging out at a wine bar in Santa Barbara (it sounds kind of bougie, I know), and one of the guys at a table next to us notice my hat: “That is the greatest sports logo ever, the Milwaukee Brewers.” He proceeded to point out to his colleague that the Brewers emblem is no ordinary baseball glove, but a glove comprised of the letters M and B for the name of the sports team. It is a great sports logo! But it was cool for someone else to notice. For the next few minutes, we talked about my Brewers and his Dodgers, and how the playoffs have watered down the importance of the regular season, etc. Good stuff!

A day later my daughter and I were on the shuttle bus taking us from the Sara Bareilles concert at the Hollywood Bowl back to the Zoo. There were only two seats left, separated by five or six rows, so we each took one, but soon after another group of people came onto the bus for standing room only. I gave up my seat for the first woman who walked on (who said chivalry is dead?) and after saying thank you, she noticed my hat and said, “I was born in St. Louis. Don’t hate me.”  Well, it’s true that the Cardinals have been a thorn in the Brewers’ side since the 1982 World Series, and after she introduced herself as “Ann from Ann Arbor” (she having attended the University of Michigan), we chatted for a bit about baseball before moving on to other things. Ann was a talker, and while it’s true that I wouldn’t have wanted to spend an entire day with her, for a 20-minute bus ride she was a pure delight. She told me about her job in video work, her apartment near USC, her Christmas caroling adventures, and about writing a musical and playing the French horn. When we got off the bus she wanted to meet my daughter and ended up giving both of us a hug.

Yeah, I know. For a lot of people these types of stories only solidify why they never want to leave their homes. Like ever. Conversations with strangers? Eww!

But I’m telling you, for me it was a nice cap to an already terrific day.

You want to spontaneously talk with strangers? Wear a hat. If not, wear the most anonymous clothing you can find.

Pursuing Happiness

The pursuit of happiness. Nice idea, but it’s a phrase that’s fraught with pitfalls, and all the more in our age of advertising and social media.

What exactly is happiness, and should it even be a goal? I spoke with a friend of mine a few months back who questioned whether people’s desire to be “happy” hasn’t blocked the perhaps more important pursuit to live life “meaningfully.” Are we basically trading in difficult, long-range pursuits for short-term pleasures? What about working hard at something? Of struggling? Of accomplishing something you didn’t think you could do? Of being resilient under difficult conditions? For those types of challenges, at any given moment you aren’t likely to say that you’re “happy,” but it may be those types of experiences that lead to the greatest feelings of achievement and satisfaction.

In today’s world of social media and advertising, it’s hard not to fall in the trap of constantly comparing one’s life to others. Case in point: I have numerous friends who travel extensively around the world, and when we get together it’s natural for our discussions to include some details about their experiences. I often leave these conversations questioning why I don’t travel more.

But the answer is, because I don’t really want to. I have other stuff I want to do. So why then do I still have that nagging feeling? It probably has something to do with the way humans are wired. There’s a good reason why The Ten Commandments include the edict: “Thou shall not covet.” This isn’t a new thing.

I read an interview with comedian/writer Samantha Irby in The New York Times a while back, and she said something very affirming for me:

The thing where whatever you aspire to is a thing we all should aspire to — I hate it. That kind of messaging just exists to make people feel bad. When you flatten everything into “be happy,” it’s like, what does that mean? It means a different thing for you than it does for me.

Her message really hit home. We don’t all have to be doing the same thing. And we don’t have to take other people’s experiences as models to subscribe to.

But this can be easier said than done. I’ve had numerous discussions with friends and family members who’ve distanced themselves from social media due to its ability to make users feel inadequate and unhappy, and I think this should be STEP ONE in the FEAR OF MISSING OUT RECOVERY PROGRAM. When you’re not constantly being bombarded with photos of what a wonderful time other people are having, it’s easier to pursue the stuff that you want to do without the nagging sense that you should be doing something else.

(An aside: it’s also important to note that what you see on social media isn’t the full story. No one is taking photos of family quarrels, delayed flights or child tantrums.)

The 1980’s version of social media was advertising. I think of the old Carnival Cruise commercial with Kathie Lee Gifford singing, “If they could see me now.” (Talk about selling FOMO!)

I remember watching this commercial wondering why my family didn’t get to go on cruises. (Answer: because it would have been a disaster!). For decades, advertising kept telling me how amazing cruises were, and several friends said the same thing. Then, one day, I actually went on a cruise. It was okay. It met the needs of my particular circumstances, but I won’t be going on another one.

Sometimes what’s being sold to you isn’t actually what’s best for you. Go figure.

So go do what’s best for you, what’s meaningful to you, and try do so with a sense of confidence.